Wednesday, May 31, 2006

very deep

: "lights off
i turned the lights off. i surprised myself... i don't want you here if you don't want to be here. I've known that all along and have been denying myself the joy of what it would be like for you to want me or need me without me wanting or needing you to be here. i don't miss you because i am lonely i miss you because of the conversations we used to have and how connected and at peace i felt when you were around just enjoying life with me. I am miserable no longer- all will work out as it was meant to be. i can miss you and love you but i can also let you go so that you can experience what you need to in life. i wish you only happiness and love. i hope one day we can sit as friends and talk for hours as we used to. this is honestly my last post... i will forever be the girl that loves you but i am first and foremost alana and part of being me means i have to deal with the consequences of what i have brought into my life. i am okay with that. just as i am content to return you to the man of my dreams as you were before we met until the time it can be otherwise. i will love you always and know i am here when you need me in whatever capacity you need or desire but you must make that decision i can't make it for you. i am sorry that this took so long to come about but i know that it is only right to let you live your life without me until you choose for me to be part of it. I truly do lov"